The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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