I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
