Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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