how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
