it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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