Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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