Dual....:-)
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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