Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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