My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
