Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
