still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
