Jerry, you need to find god
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
