The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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