you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
