I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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