wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
