I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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