Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
