Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
