You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
