I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
