Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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