he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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