You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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