ugly people sure do ruin things
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
