Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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