I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
