Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize