then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
