So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
