Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
