she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
