You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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