I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
