apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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