That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
