dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
