it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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