I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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