he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
