I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
