I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
They are going to name an STD after you.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
