i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
