my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
