So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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