i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
The struggles of a small town man whore
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
