Betty ford says i'm here all night
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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