Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize