I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
