guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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