She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
