margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize