He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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