i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
