Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
