I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize