i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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