This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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