I heard we made out
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
