Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
