Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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