were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
