How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
