apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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