the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
