I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
