his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
