I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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